I'm having one of the biggest revelations of my life right now. I've come a long way, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to give up and die now. And I want to make this very clear to him, that he DID NOT BREAK ME, and that I have been the bigger person and forgave him, and that is between him and God now. And I dont give a EXPLETIVE how messed up he is over things- HIS GUILT is what he earned for what he did and I hope it EATS AT HIM every day of his life and that he cant look himself in the eye ever again. I hope he someday has to tell his children what he did as a teenager. I hope it kills his soul a little bit every day that passes just as it has done to me for the past 2 and half year. I hope he is rattled by the same kind of shame and fear that I have. I hope someone hurts him in the same way someday, and I hope everyone leaves him for dead. I hope that he thinks about it every day. I hope it gnaws at him, I hope that he cant sleep at night. I hope that he has nightmares and I hope that there are reminders of me everywhere in everyday to remind him of what he did. I hope he never forgets. I hope it haunts him until he dies. I hope that he realizes that if I ever see him in person ever again in my life, hes going to know all of this. I hope that if I ever see him again, that he's going to see a strong and better person than I was when I was 16. I want him to see that I have grown and that I am better and that I am OKAY and that I no longer live in fear of him, and that I no longer am defined by what he did to me, and that I am living my life and that I am NO LONGER UNDER HIS CONTROL and that I am not a victim anymore. I hope he sees that despite him killing my innocence and my soul, and taking a way a part of me that I'm never going to get back, that I SURVIVED. And I'm not just coasting by, I am LIVING MY LIFE. If anything what he did, it made me stronger and gave me a rebirth. It made me proactive in my own life and I refuse to succumb to what anyone can ever do to me and that I can take care of myself. I hope he knows if he ever comes near me again that I can defend myself this time and I refuse to be overpowered. I have a voice now, 2 and half years past since I couldnt speak, and I couldnt scream, and I couldnt cry. Its been 2 and a half years and thats all coming out now and I HAVE A VOICE and I am not staying quiet any longer. It rips at my heart to do it but its time to speak out.

I am not ashamed. I am no longer afraid. I am no longer guilty. I no longer blame myself, I no longer blame God, I no longer blame the bystanders or the drugs. I blame you one hundred percent for what you did. I hope youre reading this. You didnt break me, and you'll never find peace for what you did. I am not your victim anymore.


This is the last day of being a victim, and the first day of being a survivor. This is the first day to getting myself back. I am a survivor, I am thriving, and I am amazing.